Scene Detail

"But I don't remember fangs or claws or hair, well, not a lot of hair anyway."

From: the Thirst collection
2 Characters
Gender Age Character Name
Either Adult: Any Age TERRY
Either Adult: Any Age 3
 
Setup:
This is the start of the play from the beginning, read on...

(The second part of the play is available for viewing on this site under the pull quote: "Thanks, Zombie Glenn. I'll keep that in mind.")
 

Scene

Lonesome, Wild & Blue (or How To Date A Werewolf)
part 1
Copyright 2010 by Matthew A. Everett



A restaurant.

TERRY waits alone at a table, expectantly.

Somewhere in a distant part of the restaurant, GLENN begins to approach the table. Slowly. As zombies do. This will take a while. (And will probably go unnoticed by most.)

Meanwhile, 3 [as ROBIN] approaches, hopeful, wearing a coat.


3 (ROBIN)

Hi. Terry?

TERRY

Yeah.

3 (ROBIN)

Robin.

TERRY

Good to meet you.

3 (ROBIN)

So. Werewolf.

TERRY

Werewolf?

Suddenly, 3 (ROBIN) stands, taking off their coat, revealing a white lab coat underneath.

3 is now someone completely different - Terry's DOCTOR. 3 (DOCTOR) whips out a clipboard or medical file with which to continue the discussion.


3 (DOCTOR)

Werewolf.

TERRY

You're certain about this?

3 (DOCTOR)

Absolutely.

TERRY

How?

3 (DOCTOR)

I did a test.

TERRY

There's a test?

3 (DOCTOR)

A new test.

TERRY

Maybe it was wrong.

3 (DOCTOR)

I did it four times.

TERRY

Oh.
Going back, actually I meant how did I -- ?

3 (DOCTOR)

Were you attacked by a werewolf?

TERRY

No.

3 (DOCTOR)

Are you sure?

TERRY

I think I'd remember.

3 (DOCTOR)

Maybe "attack" is too strong a word. Bitten?

TERRY

By a werewolf?

3 (DOCTOR)

By anyone.

TERRY

No.

3 (DOCTOR)

Nibbled?

TERRY

Sometimes.

3 (DOCTOR)

Hickey?

TERRY

I'm not in high school.

3 (DOCTOR)

Doctor-Patient Confidentiality.

TERRY

Maybe every now and then.

3 (DOCTOR)

Draw blood?

TERRY

Not rivers of it.

3 (DOCTOR)

Just a trickle. All it takes.

TERRY

But I don't remember fangs or claws or hair, well, not a lot of hair anyway.

3 (DOCTOR)

That's the problem with latent lycanthropy.

TERRY

Latent lycanthropy.

3 (DOCTOR)

Werewolf. Technical term.
A lot of people have it and don't even know it.

TERRY

Like me?

3 (DOCTOR)

Like you. A carrier.
You told me to test for everything.

TERRY

But I didn't think werewolf was on the menu.

3 (DOCTOR)

It is once the pharmaceutical companies come up with a new drug.

TERRY

There's a drug?

3 (DOCTOR)

It's not that good.

TERRY

But does it make it go away?

3 (DOCTOR)

No.

TERRY

Oh.

3 (DOCTOR)

Once you've got it, you're stuck with it. Sort of like herpes.

TERRY

Herpes?

3 (DOCTOR)

And AIDS.

TERRY

AIDS?!

3 (DOCTOR)

Except it's not fatal. So I guess it's more like herpes.

TERRY

If you can't cure it, why test?

3 (DOCTOR)

The drug companies need to know who to market their product to.

TERRY

I wish I had herpes.

3 (DOCTOR)

No, you don't.

TERRY

Why not?

3 (DOCTOR)

Being a werewolf is mysterious, dangerous, and even a little sexy. Herpes is just sad.

TERRY

That's not very nice.

3 (DOCTOR)

It's true.

TERRY

How would you know?

3 (DOCTOR)

I have herpes.

TERRY

Oh.

3 (DOCTOR)

Latent lycanthropy can be spread through sexual contact.

TERRY

Even if I don't break the skin?

3 (DOCTOR)

The only way to be sure not to give it to somebody else...

TERRY

is not to have sex with them.

3 (DOCTOR)

Exactly.
And you'll need to inform all your sexual partners.

TERRY

All my sexual partners.

3 (DOCTOR)

We have no idea when you got this.

TERRY

Because there wasn't a test.

3 (DOCTOR)

It could have been 20 years ago, it could have been last week.

TERRY

It couldn't have been last week.

3 (DOCTOR)

Why not?

TERRY

Because I haven't had sex in over two years.

3 (DOCTOR)

Really?

TERRY

Keep going, you're making me feel so much better about it.

3 (DOCTOR)

That's too bad.

TERRY

I thought so, too.

3 (DOCTOR)

Then you'll just have to notify everyone going forward.

TERRY

What if I'm just really, really careful?

3 (DOCTOR)

You still have to tell them.
In fact, I'm going to put a little note here in your file saying that I told you to tell them.

TERRY

You're inoculating yourself against a future potential lawsuit?

3 (DOCTOR)

Yup.
As long as I can prove I gave you the advice, it's not my fault if you didn't take it.

TERRY

But then no one will have sex with me.

3 (DOCTOR)

No one's having sex with you anyway.

TERRY

Hey.

3 (DOCTOR)

Two years is a hell of a dry spell.

TERRY

I thought I might be coming out on the other side of it finally.

3 (DOCTOR)

You are. As a werewolf.

TERRY

Latent werewolf.

3 (DOCTOR)

You can still pass it on.

TERRY

Does the drug block transmission?

3 (DOCTOR)

In most cases.

TERRY

Really?

3 (DOCTOR)

No, not really. It's expensive, but it's not really that effective yet.

TERRY

My nails, teeth and hair aren't --

3 (DOCTOR)

-- aren't that exceptional, I know.

TERRY

Hey.

3 (DOCTOR)

That's why they call it latent. You don't look like you have it. Nobody knows.

TERRY

So what's the harm?

3 (DOCTOR)

They'll hate you.

TERRY

But I'll get laid.

3 (DOCTOR)

Not at the rate you're going.

TERRY

Doctor-Patient Confidentiality.

3 (DOCTOR)

Say you do get laid, and they wolf out? They'll hate you. Even if they don't get it but they find out you knew and didn't tell them, they'll hate you. On the other hand, if you tell them beforehand...

TERRY

They won't sleep with me.

3 (DOCTOR)

Probably not. But they won't hate you. They'll just pity you.

TERRY

Great.

3 (DOCTOR)

You don't have the luxury of being spontaneous anymore.

TERRY

Remember when sex used to be fun?

3 (DOCTOR)

I have herpes. So, no. It's been a while.

3 (DOCTOR) drops the lab coat.

3 is back to being Terry's date ROBIN again.

3 (ROBIN) rises.


3 (ROBIN) (cont'd)

I'm gonna make a trip to the restroom before we order.

3 (ROBIN) leaves.

TERRY watches 3 (Robin) go.





(The second part of the play is available for viewing on this site under the pull quote: "Thanks, Zombie Glenn. I'll keep that in mind.")




copyright 2010 by Matthew A. Everett

© Matthew A Everett
www.matthewaeverett.com