"Pain is finite. Everything ends. Even the bad stuff. Only death is permanent. No permanent solutions to temporary problems."
|From: How To Date A Werewolf; or, Loneseome, Wild and Blue|
|Either||Adult: Any Age||GLENN|
If youre a werewolf, dating is hard enough. But when your ex is a zombie who just wont go away, that can complicate matters. A romantic comedy with a supernatural twist, because everybodys a monster a couple of days a month.
Terry has recently been diagnosed with latent lycanthropy - a carrier of the werewolf virus, which can be spread through sexual contact. In a restaurant, Terrys date, Robin, reminds them of Terrys doctor, and a memory of a recent medical appointment. When Robin steps off to the restroom, the waiter arrives. The waiter turns out to be Glenn, the zombie remains of Terrys former lover, who has some unfinished personal business with Terry. But then, Terry has unfinished personal business with Glenn as well.
(This play is written to be non-gender-specific, so the actors could be in any combination of male or female. Adjust the pronouns accordingly.)
Characters may be played by either gender, but should probably either be all male, or all female (bisexuality still seems to confuse people, for some reason)
Feel free to mix things up in terms of race, age, disability, etc. If they're old it means one thing, if they're young it means another.
In this monologue, Glenn second-guesses their decision to commit suicide.
The full text of How To Date A Werewolf (part of Short Plays, volume 3) and other plays can be purchased at http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/matthewaeverett
Copyright 2013 by Matthew A. Everett
GLENN speaks to the audience, perhaps to [him/her]self, perhaps to something or someone out there, unseen.
GLENNWhen did I stop seeing the future in other people?
When did I stop seeing the future in myself?
When did I stop seeing the future?
GLENN removes the zombie makeup from one hand as [he/she] continues speaking.
GLENN (contd)Youd think love, somehow, would be enough.
To tether you to the ground.
To give you substance.
To keep you from disappearing.
GLENN removes the zombie makeup from the other hand as [he/she] continues speaking.
GLENN (contd)When did I start feeling so alone that I stopped feeling any attachment to other people?
When its so clear that everything is connected.
Everything leaves a space when its gone, even me.
GLENN removes the zombie makeup from one side of [his/her] face as [he/she] continues speaking.
GLENN (contd)Pain is finite.
Even the bad stuff.
Only death is permanent.
No permanent solutions to temporary problems.
GLENN removes the zombie makeup from the other side of [his/her] face as [he/she] continues speaking.
GLENN (contd)They say every day you wake up on this side of the dirt is a good day.
Its hard to remember that sometimes.
GLENN removes the zombie makeup from [his/her] forehead as [he/she] continues speaking.
GLENN (contd)The most amazing things keep happening - happened even in my abbreviated lifetime - things I never thought Id see.
And I quickly took them for granted like they were inevitable, so I could keep focusing instead on the things that still hadnt been fixed.
But because of us or in spite of us, good things keep happening.
GLENN unbuttons the top button of [his/her] shirt and removes the zombie makeup from [his/her] neck as [he/she] continues speaking.
GLENN (contd)Stuck in zombie limbo, I watch life from the outside, thinking, I would have liked to have been around to see that. Some national or international event, some movie. Even something so small and personal no one else would care but me.
But I missed it.
I chose to remove myself from the flow of things.
GLENN removes the more formal aspects of [his/her] waiters uniform as [he/she] continues speaking.
GLENN (contd)The future is vast and completely unknowable.
The unknown can be comforting, if you let it.
It doesnt have to be terrifying.
Its probably going to be great. Ill never know. But most of you will see it. I recommend you stick around.
Were all gonna die someday. Whats the rush?
GLENN stands in the center of things, and presents [him/her]self to the audience.
GLENN (contd)This is who I was.
GLENN moves to go, singing to [him/her]self an isolated melancholy line from Joni Mitchells Big Yellow Taxi - leaving the thought of it unfinished, hanging in the air behind [him/her].
(singing)Dont it always seem to go...
GLENN is gone.
Copyright 2013 by Matthew A. Everett